i am updating this blog to prevent a death

i am lying in bed

it is almost 7 AM

here is what i did today:

• i woke up and grabbed my laptop off the floor
• i dicked around online
• i drove to my office on campus and answered emails
• i gchatted adam and called him a disc tray
• i gchatted glenn, he said he was coming to campus
• i dicked around online some more until he showed up
• we watched the preview of the comedy bang bang show on IFC because i want glenn to like it and watch it
• we went to the headshop then a deli
• we went to my house and i got cleaned up
• we went to a liquor store, i bought a bottle of wine, he bought a case of PBR
• we went to the ski lodge and we dicked around for a while
• adam came from his room and we burned a Duke shirt in the backyard
• adam went to value village and got this Red Sox shirt he had his eye on
• he came back and burned it
• we smoked from the hookah for a while
• i played some vidyo games on my laptop
• we went to town hall and played pool until we ran out of booze/cash
• we got taco bell and i stuffed my face - i ordered a mexican pizza, a nacho(s) bell grande, and a chicken quesadilla (i was drunk) (i ate everything but half of the quesadilla)
• i don't remember what we did immediately after that
• glenn and i watched a bunch of stuff on his computer like we always do when we're drunk; for a while it was yacht rock, which we were seeing for the trillionth time, another was an hour-long video of james adomian doing standup in richmond, and only like a fourth of it was bits i saw when i went to see him in chicago, so it was really good (sidenote: james adomian is fucking hilarious and you should look him up)
• i drove home and got in bed and wrote this post.

so that better suffice you, suicidal blog reader. if not, here is a list of my favorite comedians that i would also list as my inspirations because i listen to comedy as much as, if not more than, read poetry:

• james adomian
• paul f. tompkins
• andy daly
• nick kroll
• tig notaro
• todd glass
• louis c.k. (obvious choice)
• all of UCB but most of all matt besser

there are a lot of other comedians i love that i didn't list because i'm super tired and still a little drunk. if you are curious, all you should do is check out comedy podcasts, like comedy bang bang (esp if you like character improv but if not listen to it anyway it's the best), professor blastoff (esp if you like more informative ones like radiolab, it's like radiolab with smart comedians), WTF with marc maron (esp if you like confessional stuff), superego (it's all improv work with really really quick/funny people, maybe the best solely improv podcast out there), and mike and tom eat snacks (i mainly love this one because i love michael ian black but tom cavanaugh is also if not equally hilarious in this as they are great foils for each other). there are times where i wish i made my own podcast. i have not done it because i lack the equipment and i doubt i'd have much of an audience and it would make me feel bad.

here is a list of other things that make me feel bad:

• a dog wandering alone on the side of the road
• a gravestone that makes me do the math to realize how young the person was when he/she died
• an ad on a bulletin board offering some form of service that doesn't have any of the little info tags at the bottom torn off
• any pawn shop
• a student emails me about getting a grade they want after final grades are submitted, even when they don't deserve it (even when they're super rude about it, which i know is bullshit)
• people remind me that i am wasting food when i do it (the actual act doesn't do it unless i waste more than 25% of the food)
• i am harassed about my vices
• i check facebook/my email for 12 hours and there are no updates, even though i didn't do anything to cause them
• i am honked at for anything that is my fault
• making friends feel bad/awkward, obv
• shitty people at the bar causing conflict/anxiety to others, even if they're not with me (i feel like i'm spoiled with my current bar where this shit rarely ever happens)

in contrast, here is a list of things that do not bother me:

• i am defriended or unfollowed on a social media site (i never pay attn to that and if i find out someone did it, i have yet to care)
• i am honked at for something that i didn't do/that is my fault (unless yelling at idiots counts as being bothered, in which case, you can strike this from the list)
• i confront someone who is deserving of being confronted (it takes a lot for this to happen so i never feel bad when i do it (basically you must offend me multiple times in a short period of time to get me to do it so i feel you deserve it))
• conflicts in our world that do not affect me directly (let's be honest - i'd like for shitty situations to not exist, but i'm not actively bothered by them because i am a pretty privileged person)
• my dad unless he does something new that is shitty
• being rejected from literary shit (there is plenty of time for me to improve, and if not, well then who cares because apparently i'm about to die and i have more pressing matters at hand)
• not being solicited or asked to read at readings (if this DOES bother you, you are a massive fucking baby that should quit taking everything so personally and maybe just quit in general)
• party rocking (never apologize)

to the person who keeps asking me to update my blog on formspring: hi :)

this picture was one of the last results i got when i GIS'd "party rock"