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i am confined to a hotel room until my phone has finished charging. my phone is broken and will never finish charging. apparently i am home.

frances dinger has made a very good post on her blog about shit talkers in literature both old and current. one thing i would like to add is that sometimes shit talking can be taken to heart in a positive way where it drives those who have been shit-talked to improve their work. i noticed that things were published that i really loved by people involved very shortly after hazel cummings posted her ebook and gave shitty replies to (nearly) everyone who responded. that is great. if that was the response every time someone was an asshole, we would live in a utopia.

let's check the hockey standings as of right now.

the capitals beat the flames last night. that is only a teeny bit surprising, since the flames are crappy, but the capitals are mediocre and are great at blowing opportunities because they don't really work as a team.

there is a blackhawks game tonight. hopefully i am awake to watch it. they are doing well this season. this pleases me. they are my favorite team. i look forward to the 21st when they go against the predators and my friend and i will yell at each other all night.

the oilers are doing terribly, which is fine by me, because i don't like them, except for khabi, because he 100% looks like an insane person. he is the hockey player i would like to meet the least because i'd be afraid that he would go all frank booth on me, especially since i am currently banging the lady he's infatuated with.

what else can i tell you about.

sam pink's advice column on formspring is badass pimp shit. i wish i had the money to pay him to do that for a living. i also wish i could get paid to answer formspring questions for a living. i like being questioned. it reminds me of being a child but i can't be hit for giving petulant answers when i feel the urge to do so.

just kidding i was never hit for being a smart-aleck. i was hit for other reasons.

who owns p.f. chang's. please answer in the comments.

i think i'm going to start my own mfa program. i will hype the fuck out of it in whatever awp's bigass magazine is and all those other places and say all these famous brosephs and hosephs are teaching there and accept every student who applies and tell them they'll have funding then when they show up to my sequestered little school in the mountains they will get this lecture:

welcome to my mfa program. it is actually a school dedicated to augury. there are no professors. there is no funding. there is no food. you must stare at the birds until you hear god. if one of you mother fuckers writes so much as one single line of a poem i will throw you off this cliff. get to work and hail hydra.

and then i'll go to jail for fibbin'