HUMAN CONTACT INTERVIEW: Tyler Gobble

Congratulations we have reached the end of the human contact interview series (for now). this interview is with Tyler Gobble and is on the subject of ______-fives. thank you for spending time on these. they are fun things to do and i hope they are fun things to read/watch.

if you were to make a pie chart in your head regarding the amount of fives that you give, what percentage would be high fives, what percentage would be low fives, and would there be any other categories or even just a 'misc other' category (if you wanted to make this a pie chart in real life that is also acceptable)

I think first I gotta figure out the definitions of high fives vs. low fives vs. others. High fives I'm gonna say are those shoulder-high, single-arm deals where the elbow is in its natural state of being a lever. A low five then is one that is more of a mid-range thing, waist-high, with the hand almost cupped like I am wanting some cash or to touch a butt. The misc. then would be like jump fives (maybe even with a little chest bump thrown in), the swooping lowlow five, and I guess even the fist bump (aka high five 2011). Okay okay okay.

Percentages in a pie chart: I'm gonna say high fives is like 65%. I do most of my fiving on the go, so we don't have anytime to swoop down or deal with people thinking I'm trying to touch their toosh. 15% goes to the midrange/low fives, where me and the fivebuddy are comfortable and on the same page knowing HEYMANTHISISJUSTAFIVESLICENOWEIRDSTUFF. The final 20% is reserved for some wicked sweet misc like when I feel the shimmy inside and do a fancy knee bend to GET LOW or the half fistbump/highfive where confusion reigns.

does a chest bump come before or after the high five

Usually before. It's like wuzz we didn't get the friendfury out so lets five it out. I know it's crazy, a chest bump that doesn't fully comfort the friendfury, but it happens. I know some weak bumpers. But sometimes, yes sometimes, it comes during, which is mind-blowing.

have we ever high fived

I imagine back in the day. Maybe, you were drunk and you might have read a poem at that martini bar and I was like dudeyeah then BOOM highfive. Oh there was that time you ate a crapload of fries at a bar and I am sure that got me all stoked I LOVE FRIES and if a skinny dude like you can eat that much fries then wooyeah that was cool.

when you are asked for a five, which is usu. implicated with the raised hand, as people rarely verbally request them nowadays, what emotional response do you feel when you realize someone wants to five with you, and how does that feeling compare to other requested forms of contact such as a hug or handshake

The response: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWYEAH

Comparison: Highfive is more AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWYEAH than handshake, fistbump, fake hug, and sex because of its sincere, emotional intense physical commitment. Highfive is less AWWWWWWWWWWWYEAH than bear hug (the only way to go really), most forms of kissing including heavydutymakingout, and headbutting because it's all in then.


how do you feel the fist bump compares to a high or low five

It's an obvious evolution and like with all evolution we gotta deal with it. I mean it was only a matter of time before the hand refused to open. I see it as a combo of our wussyness, where we are all angry and wanna punch things but are too afraid those things will punch back, and our scaredycatness of opening up. I'm not saying that's right, but saying that's what's happening.

the five is a rare form of human contact that has existed for quite some time but is only delivered during a positive experience (for example, consider the rarity of a high five at a funeral) - why do you think that is

Referring back to question 5, it's gotta do with openness. Like a funeral we all are balled up in our awkwardcreep feeling or boohoo mourning that to open up like that is unthought of. I read an article in some super science magazine that was about the hinges on space ships, how the open rate is 100% on the moon, but how they are harder than allgetout to open when they crash into the ocean. Landing on the moon must be a good experience and duh the ocean is a crappy place for a spaceship, so I guess high fives are like that.

why do you think the low five has been phased out

We got these guts now (THANKS DRIVE THRU WINDOWS) and to lowfive is gross and the gut gets in the way and stuff. Or it's been deemed a societal hazard, meaning too many people missing hands and poking each other in the thighs or WORSE, meaning people disguising the hand as a lowfive mechanism before BOOM butt grab, meaning there are probably signs in all the middle schools and roller rinks. Or the kids might just be doing it in private.


Thank you Tyler for your thoughtful responses to my long-winded questions on rather silly things. i hope wonderful things come your way for doing this interview. i hope someone jams a ton of twenties into your mailbox. i hope a princess's limo breaks down outside your house one night when it's raining and she needs a place to stay and you give it to her and then you end up marrying her then her mom and dad die and you become a king. i hope you get emailed some good coupons.